It happened in my own backyard. I knew the time would come, only I had hoped not so soon. The old green sand pail shattered against the pine tree where my boy played contentedly in his own little world. He crouched at the base of the tree trying to fit the broken pieces of that pail back together when a few other objects flew past his head. My boy was oblivious to what was going-on. I was not. I had been watching the play from our kitchen window, trying to figure-out whether or not I needed to step-outside. It started-out as rough-housing and teasing. The kind to which many neighborhood boys are accustomed. A typical child may have engaged in this type of banter or just told them to stop. Not my boy, though. He simply concentrated intently on putting that plastic pail back together.
While my boy didn’t seem to be phased, I felt the pain of my own heart breaking. Just like that brittle green pail. My boy didn’t understand that he was being bullied. And, even if he did, he didn’t know how to stand-up for himself. He is not like typical boys his age. He has autism. I have known this for over 5 years, but that day, I grieved. Again. I marched down those stairs and stood in the middle of the battle going-on in my own backyard. The battle where my boy was being used as a target. After expressing my hurt and disappointment over what I witnessed, I made my way back into the house and shut the door behind me. My boy, a bit shaken mainly from witnessing my own hurt, knelt on the floor drawing. I sat-down next to him, pulled him onto my lap and I cried. I cried because my boy has autism. I cried because he doesn’t have a mean bone in his body. I cried because I love his beautiful spirit. I cried for a good part of that afternoon. The grieving comes in waves and that particular moment engulfed me.
We came to an understanding, that evening, with those involved. Apologies were made all around and learning was had. I tucked my boy into his bed that night, giving thanks for this blessing. Early the next morning, my boy crawled into bed next to me. With tears in his eyes, he whispered to me. “I need to tell you about a dream that I had, Mommy. I dreamed that you and I were holding hands and we were flying. Not up to Heaven. We were just flying together. It was so beautiful, I didn’t want it to end!”
I can’t help but think that God carried our hurting spirits in my boy’s dreams that night. And, if I can help my boy fly, it is all worth the pain that accompanies our journey together.
“…They will soar on wings like eagles…” – Isaiah 41: 31
13 comments
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March 14, 2012 at 3:18 am
Beth Clark
I can so relate to this heart breaking “grief”…and the god given strength that comes out of it to help us continue on the undescribably beautiful and yet heart wrenchingly painful at times journey with our children. Thanks for being so vulnerable:) Love you!!
March 14, 2012 at 3:20 am
sarah hammond
Oh Kristen. What a touching and beautiful expression of what so many of us feel. I am shedding tears right along with you. I am constantly amazed at how often I have to accept and grieve. Each time, I am caught off guard by it.
March 15, 2012 at 6:39 pm
kristinblankenship
Thank you for sharing in my pain, Sarah! So many of us experience these moments…I felt the need to “put it out there,” not only as a source of healing for myself, but for all of us who are traveling similar journeys.
March 14, 2012 at 4:08 am
homesicklocal
Wow. What a fantastic post. I worry everyday when my twins are with other kids. I feel ya on this one!
March 14, 2012 at 5:31 am
urbanpioneerwoman
A friend of mine told me something a while back that I now keep close to my heart (perhaps I find this helpful because I fall on the spectrum as well….I don’t know). She said, “You and Jessica have a special gift that most people don’t have. You come by sweetness, kindness, acceptance, honesty, etc. naturally; whereas, most people work their entire lives to imitate what you have come by naturally.” She was telling me this because I tend to be rather hard on my sister for being inconsiderate of my disability. She was saying that I am treating my sister the same way she treats me by being inconsiderate of her “disability”…..aka learning how to be sweet, kind, accepting, honest, etc…..because it does not come naturally to her. Somehow it made me feel better to realize that I wasn’t the only one with a disability… I am so very sorry you had a tough day!
March 15, 2012 at 6:32 pm
kristinblankenship
Thank you so much for your insight, Amy…What a nice perspective!
March 14, 2012 at 11:17 am
Missy K
So painful and beautiful– thank you for sharing this.
March 14, 2012 at 11:28 am
Tommie Hutcheson
Kristen, Your post was so open and beautifully written! I am so thankful that you have Ben and he has you!
March 14, 2012 at 2:40 pm
Tracy Christman
Kristen I too feel this grief from time to time and struggle with how hard it seems for some children more than others. It is especially hard when you know their heart and all the many talents they possess. Thank you for sharing and for helping others realize we aren’t alone and this journey is just as God would have it. You are such an inspiration to me.
March 15, 2012 at 6:36 pm
kristinblankenship
Thank you, Tracy. What a blessing for me to know that my journey is a source of encouragement and inspiration to you! We do need each other, don’t we? God is good.
March 14, 2012 at 3:16 pm
Cheryl
Oh…You are such a loving mama bear. I felt the ache through the computer. I’m equally in awe of the wisdom posted by URBANDPIONEERWOMAN! Great insight. I being connected with such inspiring women! Love.
March 15, 2012 at 12:00 am
Moonyeen Rideout
Oh, our sweet, sweet grandson! I know God cried with you as we did. Our grandson is so innocent and unassuming. He accepts others differences, while others sometimes measure, compare, and point out the differences from themselves in such unlovely and mean ways. You have experienced the depths of what love is with your little boy. Being his loving and mature advocate will bless him throughout his life. We love both of you.
March 21, 2012 at 2:27 am
Hope in a Mason Jar « The Blue Mug
[…] God gently held my grieving heart in his hands. And through sharing my pain with you in my last post, God used your beautiful words of encouragement to stitch the broken pieces of my heart back […]